Redefining Family

You cannot choose who your family is. When it comes to family, the concept has been sexually generalized as woman and man, wife and husband, spouse and mate, as well as her and him. Society gender norms have become increasingly different in the late twentieth century. As we live in today, 2018, the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) community has enlarged and is being displayed as a positive aspect throughout the media. The LGBTQ community has been allowed the right to child adoption even though many people in society disapproves of this. The television series, The Fosters, first aired on June 3, 2013 and revolves around a mixed-race lesbian couple who have a biological son and four adopted children. The show focuses on how being different doesn’t make you less worthy of the other person no matter sexual orientation or race. With discrimination against the gay community, The Fosters showcase positivity around the foster care system and same-sex parents on how family is more than just sexual preferences.

Freeform is a TV program that reaches towards the teenage and young adult audience. Most of the television shows on this network illustrate real world difficulties and difference. Family drama shows like The Fosters and Switched at Birth display an LGBTQ mixed-race foster couple raising five kids and two separate families coming together because their biological children were separated during birth. For many decades the gay community was kept hidden and were denied their right to love on all social platforms until the early 2000’s. The Fosters centers on portraying life issues that many other family dramas do not take chances on doing. In Jaime J. Weinman article “‘The Fosters’ revives an ailing television genre”, he explains “The Fosters and Switched at Birth celebrate the changing definitions…Defense of Marriage Act,” (Weinman). As publicity of the LGBT community expands the show reflect on how the parents have positive attributes on their children’s lives when it comes to intricate topics. This network showcase the lesbian couple issues as parents and as lovers that viewers gather strength from.

The fight for gay adoption has been occurring as early as 2002. There are many homophobic citizens who look down upon the LGBTQ community, especially with their fight to wanting to raise children. When we think about children and parents, there is a female and a male involved in the mix, not two of the same gender. “It cannot be ignored that…other parent has a detrimental effect on children.” (Rogers). This seems to be the ideal living lifestyle because you can learn how to go about in society from both parents. Homosexuals are said to have a lot of partners and they rarely stay together. With this in mind, a child would not be in a good living environment if their parent has numerous partners. These children are mostly adopted while still infants or within their adolescence years. As youngsters growing up with same-sex parents, PhD A. Dean Byrd explains, “Children raised by non-heterosexual parents are…suffer more depression and other emotional difficulties” (Byrd). Children do not need to be brought up in a home with non-heterosexuals who cannot keep themselves in the right mindset to fully raise an adoptive child, or kids in general. It is accurate that children should not go through the struggle of having unstable same-sex parents who show very little adult figure than heterosexual parents.

Stef and Lena are antipodes to the accused gay parenting styles. We are first introduced to the Fosters family as five until one of the mothers, Lena, takes Callie into their care temporarily throughout the first season. With three kids at home, the females take on this responsibility, showing that no matter who you are or where you’re coming from you will be welcomed with open arms. “You’re not disposable Callie…you’re not worthless.” (Stef The Fosters “Pilot” (38:56-39:02). Always going from one foster home to another, Callie believes there is no where she is wanted. With the denial of seven homes, the love that is expressed from Stef and Lena has her rethinking her actions. Callie’s rebellious behavior does not get put up with and Stef insists that the Callie is capable of being loved by a family correctly. The troubles of a life that was led before coming into Stef and Lena’s home is something to longer dwell on.

It is complicated for the mothers to focus on their own relationship with all the kids around. It is also complicated to live in a society that sees you as a conflicting aspect. Lena expresses that the intimate relationship with her partner is very hard considering they take on the roles of being a parents, lovers, and needing to work. Not only that, it is difficult for people like them that cannot express the love they have for each other outside of their home. “Sometimes when we’re out in the new neighborhood…they want to hurt people like Stef and me” (Lena The Fosters “The Morning After” (22:12-22:32). Setbacks like this is what hinders gay couples to express their love and their partners. You see a female and male in love on the street snogging one other uncontrollably and that is okay to witness within society. Yet when two of the same genders begin displaying this affection, society feels uncomfortable and look on it sinfully. When the gay marriage law passed in 2015, the opportunity at being able to express yourself in public without it being illicit was a great change. Considering there needs to be love and affection within a marriage, Stef’s mother got the girls a spa weekend getaway for their honeymoon to reminisce on their love towards each other. Having as many kids as they do, the couple was not excited but did feel this trip was necessary. “You know it’s not all on you…and for missing you.” (Lena The Fosters “Play” (33:43-34:47). The trip relieved a lot of the complications the two were having and trying to get everything out was never easy. “I’m sorry. I get so stressed out…I’m going to do better.” (Stef The Fosters “Play” (34:50-35:10). Lena and Stef realize that although they have all the responsibilities with their children and their work, there is always time to cherish one another.

Society focus on who raises these fosters children is more important than the children finding actual homes. “Many studies have demonstrated the children’s well-being…than by the gender or sexual orientation of their parents” (Siegel). There is nearly 438,000 children in the foster care system in the United States. Now considering that all states accept LGBT adoption, there were times when hundreds of same-sex couples got turned down the opportunity to adopt. Arguments like “gay people cannot provide stable homes” (ACLU) are bias. There are no facts that children who have gay parents do not have stable lifestyles. I see more minors being more open and happy about themselves and their lives. The notion that gay parents bring about negative energies like suicide and depression are all based on how the gay community is as a whole. The discrimination with gays wanting to adopt is ignorant considering parents of the children in foster care did not want them for their specific reasons. As of now “an estimated 114,000 same-sex couples in the United States are raising children and many of them have become parents through adoption or fostering” (Dowd). Background checks are always done before the adoption process is allowed to happen, so with gays wanting to adopt, that brings about a positive aspect for foster children because there are more parents wanting to adopt.

When it comes to the homosexuals, many people speculate that if your parents are gay, you too will be gay. Children are frightful in coming out to their parents fearing that they will be an outcast. Having a same-sex sexual preference within any home is not easy and trying to figure yourself out is even more complicated when you have no one to go to. The youngest child in the show, Jude, had been conflicted with his sexuality ever since he was young. His sister Callie explains, “My foster father caught Jude trying on one of his ex-wife dresses…beating the crap out of him” (Callie The Fosters “Pilot” (27:41-27:48). It was not easy being in and out of many homes at the age of six. Jude never got a chance to explore himself for he was beaten on site at first try. Being in the care of Lena and Stef, they made Jude feel safe and confident in wanting to figure himself out. The show focuses on Jude when he begins to figure out his sexuality. He painted his nails and went to school, which resulted in him being bullied because he was being different. After being told to remove his nail polish by his sister Callie, his foster mother Lena has a talk with him about trying to not hide who he is. “If you’re taught to hide what makes you different…what’s wrong is the people out there who makes us feel unsafe.” (Lena The Fosters “The Morning After” (22:48-23:16). There is love and care when it comes to having a family. Jude no longer needs to feel ashamed or even guilty for being different than a “normal” boy. Nothing can doubt the unbelievable love and care the mothers have for each of their children. With Jude exploring the basics of himself, it is easier to understand a child by making them feel safe than scared of expressing who they are.

There are so many aspects that come to defining family, but having either heterosexual or homosexual parents is not one of them. Sexual preference should not be an effective aspect when it comes to adopting children. Foster children are the last ones who can discuss how they would want their life to work out, so when getting placed into a home, there is no say on how the child ends up. Adopting gay couples have been set back in taking a helpless child and giving them a home because society has a fear of the way the new generation is turning out to be. The Fosters have demonstrated the importance of family coming from the heart, not blood. Lesbian couple Stef and Lena have their children showcasing that love is an abundant thing that everyone deserves. Expression shouldn’t be hidden and it is likely to be picked up on when being raised with gay parents. “They communicate about their feelings more openly…important in every relationship.” (CA). Family can be of dissimilar definition to everybody, yet the one thing family needs is love. Parents always work hard and expect you to be like them which means they will barley be around. When it comes to gay parents, yes they want you to succeed, however they are more likely to express a more delicate and accepting lifestyle to society than heterosexual parents usually do.

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